Today, as I moseyed around my libratory - that’s a laboratory used for wordscience - my lab assistant, Kingsley, informed me of a post on Bungie’s blog. I eyed him curiously through my goggles, stunned at his mere indifference towards my work. “Kingsley,” I whispered ferociously, “What is this nonsense?”

“A blog,” He stated plainly. He was clearly not a man suited for such a laborious job as a wordscientist. “It is about the Halo.”

I glared at him with the intensity one reserves for a pregnant nun, before letting out a sigh in acquiescence. I allowed myself to read the blog, my eyes widening as the wordplay danced its way into my mind. A post so beautifully written; I could not possibly desecrate it with my stylistically neolithic ramblings! Furthermore, there was to be an Infection gametype in ranked Halo matches! I allowed a smile to creep across my face. Yes, I thought. Bungie is a worthy adversary.

I shall meet them on the battlefield. From 12:01 AM on Halloween ’til 3 AM on the following day, I shall destroy them all, infecting them with the painful realization of their utter mediocrity. On Halloween, I do swear this: I shall beat them at their own game.

Like a pendulum coated with billions of dollars, the Halo movie teases us once more with its potential badassery. Our eyes, trying hard to focus through copious tears of happiness and hope, glow with the passion of a thousand Spartan Lasers. We smile. And then it begins its dreadful swing back into a realm of obscurity, where German, no-name commercial directors butcher our hopes and dreams with shaky-cam garbage.

Peter Jackson’s representative, Ken Kamins, recently spoke out about the state of the Halo movie to Variety. Kamins stated that, despite the dropping out of both Fox and Universal, the Halo movie is still in pre-production. Furthermore, potential victim of various effigies, Neil Blomkamp, is still set to direct. Kamins makes it clear that they are very adamant about this dude. We call this kind of thing blind faith, because you’d have to be blind to like those live-action shorts.

Also, Peter Jackson’s a hack.

Greetings, Megatonians. I’ll be your tour guide to the absurd.

And what better way to start my tour than with the newest entry in the Scene It series, Lights, Camera, Action? In a world where board games are taking their time to die, Scene It’s neo-board-game approach is a shining, largely-packaged bastion of hope. You can play it on the tube, kids. It’s hip. It’s rock and roll. The truth is, it’s just another money-draining gimmick, complete with poor movie taste. Now with a nifty controller.

Hit the jump like a disloyal spouse for my impressions of the recently-dropped demo on Xbox Live.

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