Reports are flooding in from all over the place of the first ever death by video game. Early this morning 25-year-old Juan del Locomotion, a resident of Sacremento, CA, was found bludgeoned to death by a copy of Viva Pinata for the Xbox 360. His body was found by his neighbor, Chesty Laroo, who said she had heard exclamations of childish glee before nothing but silence for many hours. When she entered the room she found del Locomotion dead on the floor with the bloody Viva Pinata box learing over his body. Scared for her life she quickly retreated to her apartment where she called police.

“I was mortified,” she told Megatonik over the phone, “I’ve never been so close to a dead body and the look on that games cover art work, I just knew it could kill again.” At this point Ms. Laroo was so stricken with grief she had to rest for multiple minutes before she picked the phone back up and said, “I just knew something like this was going to happen. Those games are evil and that made (del Locomotion) evil too.”

When police came to the scene they found more proof that the game had attacked del Locomotion. Authorities say that blood was all over the game case and the disc inside was glistening and shining with the effort it had taken to kill del Locomotion. Though it tried to hide its fluster behind its disc art authorities wisely flipped it over to find its seedy underbelly. Also arrested along with the game were two controllers who have not yet been implicated in any part of the crime and an Xbox 360 who is at the moment in a room with lawyers from Microsoft who are trying to work out a deal with police.

“The Xbox 360 is a non-violent machine,” Microsoft’s lawyers told Megatonik, “We are not sure what happened in this situation but we will stand up for our products as safe.” The lawyers refused to comment if they would be defending Viva Pinata or not.

Police Chief Morgan LaFern says that he isn’t sure how the game over powered the physically fit del Locomotion but he is sure that it was the game.

“All the evidence points to this game being the attacker and murderer. The blood, the state of the room, the witness testimonies. This game has killed someone and I will not rest until it is behind bars,” he said at the press conference held hours after the body was found.

The game itself has not been let out in public and only a glimpse was seen of it being carried into jail where other inmates were heard to shout, “Oh boy, I’m gonna play the shit out of you, bitch.” For now the game is being kept in solitary confinement for it’s own safety and the safety of the other criminals. Chief LaFern said this is because video games are known to be killers that are ruthless and don’t care about society’s morals. He pointed out that, “just because a game has never been caught killing someone before doesn’t mean that this isn’t the first time.”

Anti-gaming pundits are applauding the quick and decisive action of the police in this matter. The general feeling amongst them is one of relief that a game has finally been caught in the act.

“It’s just a relief to know that this is probably the beginning of the end for video games in America,” said Sally Huswif, adding, “and hopefully, the world.”

As for now the game is silently awaiting trial. It has not requested any lawyers nor to speak with anyone. Indeed, all it has done is lay in its cell exactly where the officers put it. This could possibly be a silent protest to the world in which this psychotic game was mistreated so. So far no other games have come to this copy of Viva Pinata’s side either, instead remaining stead fast on shop shelves and in gamers’ houses. Who knows if it is fear that keeps them there or something else?

Categories: Gaming Industry, Interviews, Microsoft, Politics, Xbox 360