This week I’m going to be doing something a little different. Normally, F*CK YEAH features older games that deserve a moment in the spotlight. Well, this time around I’m going to be waxing explicit with God of War: Chains of Olympus on the PSP. For those of you that have played the God of War games on the PS2, you’ll understand me when I say that it’s damn near impossible to talk about this game without unleashing a few F-bombs, so it’s only natural that I’d merge this game’s review with F*CK YEAH. Hit the jump for delicious, delicious swear words.

I picked up God of War: Chains of Olympus when I was waiting in line for Brawl, and I have to say… it’s pretty fucking awesome. I’d heard someone say that it was pretty sweet and figured, “what the hell? I still have 6 hours until midnight with nothing to do but auto-fellate myself.” Since I was spending most of my time waiting in the coffee shop next door, I figured that the caffeine-sipping denizens in the area wouldn’t appreciate my particular brand of erotic contortion.

But I digress. Chains of Olympus is, without a doubt, the prettiest fucking game I have ever seen on the PSP. Ever. I mean, holy titlicking Jesus is this game ever a technical achievement for Sony’s handheld. A lot of games have come close, but the Chains really pulled off the console-to-handheld transition flawlessly. Hell, even the controls are perfect. One thing that always bothered me about other franchises that were originally built around dual analog and then thrown into the PSP’s single analog hell was that there were always points where I would get so frustrated with the camera that I’d have no choice but to throw my PSP out the window at passing children… which, by the way, is a great experience. First they’re horrified to see something coming at them in excess of 300 fucking miles per hour (I have a good throwing arm, what can I say?) and then the greedy glint in their eyes when they realize that a $160 piece of hardware is coming in their direction. Of course, that look is almost immediately muted when the PSP breaks across their face and shards of plastic dig their way into every facial orifice they have. Yep, pretty satisfying.

But not nearly as satisfying as hurling some crazy motherfucking chain blade things into the clavical of some horrible monster, flinging yourself up onto their head and then repeatedly stabbing their eyes out. For Kratos, this is pretty much as mundane as refilling the toner cartridge at work. Man, can you imagine how kick ass it would be if Kratos worked in an office?

Fuck yeah MS paint. Fuck yeah bitmaps.

So yeah, Chains of Olympus is pretty goddamn awesome. To be honest, my only gripe about the game at all is that it’s only like 7 fucking hours long, but I mean, shit, it’s the kind of game you can keep in your PSP for a week and play it when you have a few minutes of free time on the bus or some shit. 5/5

Oh, right, almost forgot. Fuck!