Taking a page from Jimmy Kimmel’s notable segment entitled “Unnecessary Censorship,” MEGATONik would like to apply this same sort of idea to video games. We have recently begun to liveblog games, to give our readers a real taste of what one can expect from the newest games on the market, and hence, with inspiration from Dexter345, “Unnecessary Liveblogging” was born. Join me below for some of the best in unnecessary liveblogging.

Pac-Man Championship Edition

2:30 PM: I ate some dots!
2:31 PM: I ate some dots!
2:32 PM: I ate a power pellet!
2:33 PM: I ate some dots!
2:34 PM: I ran into a ghost and died.

-by Dexter345

N+

5:44 PM: I jumpe… I died.
5:44 PM: I jumpe… I died.
5:44 PM: I jumpe… I died.
.
.
.
7:37 PM: I jumped to the side, dodged three missiles, dodged 4 blue guys, hit a bouncy white block, jumped off the right side, hit the switc… I died.

-by backflip

Resident Evil 4

3:12 PM: I’m reloading.
3:13 PM: Out of ammo, dammit.
3:14 PM: Gotta find some..
3:15 PM: NO I DON’T NEED A RED HERB
3:15 PM: AHH SNAKE
3:16 PM: OH MY GOD chainsaw dude.. *revs up* HELP HELP HELP OH SHIT NOOOOOOooooonnnnOooNO!
3:17 PM: YOU ARE DEAD! Game over.
3:18 PM: Uh, when did I save last….?

-by lawl

Gears of War

6:21 PM: I stopped
6:22 PM: I popped.
6:23 PM: More stopping, but significantly less popping.

-by BFeld

Animal Crossing

8:39 PM: Moved into town, am now in debt.
8:50 PM: Tom Nook had me run some errands, still in debt.
9:50 PM: Debt.
12:00 AM: Nook’s Cranny is closed, how the fuck am I supposed to get out of debt now?
12:03 AM: Set internal clock forward 9 hours.
12:05 AM: Debt. (I think it’s lessening though…)

-by Wonko

Guitar Hero III - Through the Fire and Flames

6:35 PM: Green red green yellow green blue green orange green green red gree… FAIL.
6:35 PM: Green red green yellow green blue green orange green green red gre… FAIL.
6:36 PM: *Bites guitar*

-by backflip

Wii Tennis

1:30.00 AM: I serve.
1:30.02 AM: My friend returns.
1:30.03 AM: I return the ball back.
1:30.04 AM: Ball out, 15-0 me.
1:32.00 AM: I serve.
1:33.00 AM: My friend, forgetting to put on his wrist strap, throws the controller at my 40″ Plasma.
1:34.00 AM: Not funny, the screen is shattered.
1:35.00 AM: I kill my friend.
1:37.00 AM: I can’t get the blood off my hands!
1:40.00 AM: OUT DAMNED SPOT!

-by Razak

Condemned: Criminal Origins

2:33 AM: I’m gonna shit myself.
2:35 AM: Be right back.. need to do laundry.
2:40 AM: Does anyone know how to remove…. stains?

-by lawl

Halo 3

1:03 AM: So I’m going to go try out the multiplayer, loading now.
1:06 AM: Uh, xX1337sPaRtAnXX just called me a faggot.
1:06 AM: MasterChief768573101 is shouting into his mic.
1:07 AM: H4l0sucks34 says he fucked my mom, he sounds about 7.
1:07 AM: Yo New Daddy shouts out that we’re all c*ntmuffinberries.
1:08 AM: xXxXxXlolololXxXxXx is breathing really hard into his mic, I think he’s deepthroating it.
1:09 AM: FlowersArePretty34 asks how you shoot your gun.
1:10 AM: l4wl says he’s leaving to watch some porn.
1:10 AM: backflip10019 complains about not leveling up.
1:11 AM: OK, the match is loading, I should be out of the lobby and start playing any second.

-by zizzy

Final Fantasy XII

6:50 PM: I start a new game.
6:55 PM: I’m now watching the intro.
7:15 PM: I’m still watching it.
7:30 PM: Apparently tapping “X” isn’t working fast enough…
7:45 PM: …
8:00 PM: INTRO IS FINALLY OVER.
8:01 PM: Tutorial time. Fuck it.

-by Kevin Cortez

Crackdown

5:00 PM: Got an orb.
5:04 PM: Killed a kingpin.
5:05 PM: Got another orb.
.
.
.
5:15 PM: Killed another kingpin.
5:16 PM: Ooh, another orb!

-by lawl

Sonic the Hedgehog

7:01 PM: Running forward.
7:15 PM: Running forward.
7:43 PM: Running forward.

-by Woody

Ghost Squad

1:00 PM: Oh sweet! Just like Virtua Cop!
1:05 PM: Killed a boss.
1:06 PM: Killed three more guys.
1:08 PM: Killed another boss.
1:10 PM: End credits are rolling.

-by backflip

Dead Rising

12:34 AM: Entered mall.
12:41 AM: Killed a zombie with a baseball bat.
12:43 AM: Killed a zombie with an umbrella.
12:47 AM: Killed a zombie with a katana.
12:50 AM: Killed some zombies with a bowling ball.
12:55 AM: Killed a zombie with a machine gun.

-by Woody

Shadow of the Colossus

1:24 PM: Riding my horse.
1:30 PM: …still riding my horse.
1:33 PM: GAH! Went the wrong way.
1:34 PM: Ahhhh…ok, that’s where I need to go!
1:40 PM: There’s the colossus! How do I get on top of it?
2:43 PM: I can’t fucking figure this out!
3:30 PM: Ah ha! Thats how you do it!
3:31 PM: Stabbing glowing parts.
3:32 PM: Fuck I fell off!
3:40 PM: Death to colossus!

-by Xopher Reed

The Sims

4:07 PM: Clicked on the toilet, took a shit
4:08 PM: Ate some pizza
4:08 PM: Had some friends over
4:09 PM: Bought a new couch
4:10 PM: Went to sleep
4:12 PM: Got up
4:12 PM: Ate breakfast
4:13 PM: Took a piss
4:14 PM: Played on my arcade machine
4:15 PM: Went to work…and now I’m back
4:16 PM: Had to go take a piss IRL
4:18 PM: I just got back and my guy pissed all over the floor and the pizza is rotting and that stupid happiness bar is going down
4:19 PM: Forget it, I’m going to use a cheat code
4:20 PM: Unlimited money!
4:45 PM: I built a huge house and bought all the best stuff I could. Not quite the satisfying feeling I was hoping for.
4:46 PM: Went to sleep
4:47 PM: Got up
4:47 PM: Showered
4:48 PM: Had some people over
4:50 PM: Fuck this, I’ve wasted enough time. This game sucks.

-by zizzy

Liveblogging a multiplayer map in Advance Wars: Days of Ruin

6:03 PM: I’m on the left side of the map and my enemy is on the right side. I build two Infantry units. The blue army does the same.
6:04 PM: I send my Infantries to nearby cities to begin capturing them. My nemesis does the same.
6:07 PM: I build a Recon to send after the enemy Infantries. The other team send out their own Recon.
6:10 PM: I have built up enough funds to build a tank. I do so. Opponent matches with his own tank.
6:30 PM: We now have captured all of the cities on the map, and have the income to produce one Medium Tank every turn.
6:31 PM: Our Medium Tanks are battling each other at the map’s main choke point. I build Rockets to attack from a distance, and my enemy builds his own.
9:09 PM: I have pushed forward enough to take a few of his cities. Surely the extra income will turn the tides of battle in my favor.
9:15 PM: I clearly ran my forces too thin in attacking, and have suffered a counterattack. He now has two of my cities.
10:47 PM: I have regained the ground I lost, and now own half of the cities on the map again.
11:58 PM: We are still stuck in a stalemate, sending units to their deaths at the map’s main choke point.
2:22 AM: We mutually decided to quit the match and call it a draw. We both lament eight hours of our lives, lost forever.

-by Dexter345

Avatar: The Last Airbender

6:20: I’m pressing B repeatedly
6:20: Sweet, I got an achievement worth 150 gamerscore!
6:21: Still hitting B
6:21: Oh yeah, another achievement, another 150 G!
6:21: More B
6:21: Achievement Unlocked, this time it’s 200 G!
6:21: B…B…B…B…B…B
6:21: Another 200 G.
6:22: Still hitting B
6:22: Nice, another achievement worth 300 G, looks like I got all the achievements!
6:23: I’ve done all that’s worth doing in this game, now I’m off to play some EA sports games.

-by zizzy

Does anybody have any of their own that they’d like to add?

Categories: Editorial, List, MTk Presents