It’s not hard to see that I love playing shit games. A ton of my reviews on MEGATONik have all been extremely bland titles. Hell, even the boxart on most of the titles are enough to tell you to stay away. Why do I review these games? The answer is plain and simple: I love bad games. It’s as appealing to me as the grindhouse film genre. I enjoy laughing at terrible plots, generic names, and pointless tasks. Superman 64 may have been utter shit to you, but in my eyes, it was a pile of gold.

Some of you may think I just have poor taste in games, while some may also share my love. I know several readers out there have seen games at their local GameStop and dismissed them because of their title or boxart. People like me purchase them. I see something that looks like total ass and I buy it. I find more comedy in these budget games than most huge titles.

I know there are people out there who would like to know about the games that sites like IGN and GameSpot don’t review. Licensed Nickelodeon games, odd Japanese games that have been translated into English and forgotten about, Barbie titles; whatever crap you can think of, I’ll write about it.

This is why I’m presenting a new weekly article written by yours truly. The Garbage Collector will be a weekly article about bad, uninteresting, and/or extremely cheap titles that you’ve probably seen or heard about, but ignored. Brace yourself as I dig into the massive shitpile I call my game collection and pull out bargain bin nightmares.

Read on for the first game for me to babble about, Mobile Light Force 2.

Mobile Light Force 2 was probably one of the first b-games that bought with my own money and enjoyed. I remember walking down to the electronics part of my local Super Target, about two years ago, and glancing at a pile of games that were under $19.99. I saw the cover and immediately picked it up. I looked at the back of the box, then again at the front. Back…front again. I did this one more time and then looked at the price that read $12.99. I happily purchased the game and began to make my way back home. The entire walk home, I had one question on my mind: What the fuck did I just buy?

Why did I ask this? Take a look at the boxart.

Now look at an in-game screenshot similar to one on the back of the box.

Now compare.

I’m going to try and explain this fiasco as clearly as I can. The original Mobile Light Force was a game for the PlayStation which was an American release of a Japanese game called Gunbird. Mobile Light Force 2 is an American release of a Japanese game called Shikigami No Shiro. Neither title had anything to do with the other, but both titles are vertical shooters. Mobile Light Force 2 is a supposed prequel to the original game, but really, the two games have nothing to do with each other. To add even further confusion, Charlie’s Angels are on the cover of BOTH games. Charlie’s Angels have NOTHING to do with the games at all.

The game is very Japanese styled. Most of the characters look like they belong in anime, which for a very long time led me to believe that I was playing a game based on an anime series. I honestly still don’t know. There are six characters in the game to choose from before you begin blasting away at shit. If you read your instruction manual, you can see each of the character’s bios and backgrounds. There’s Kuga Koutaro, a retired cop who wears a school uniform and controls a “beautiful human eating devil” named “Sazae-san.” You also have Jumiko Dzet Vanshutien, a German witch whose dark clothes hides the fact that she’s riding a broom stick with super speed. I’d say my favorite character in the game would have to be “???,” who is a very mysterious woman who claims to have been to the 7 worlds.

Again, I pondered, “what the fuck did I just buy?” Even more confusion ensued as I actually started playing the game. Every character I chose flew in mid-air, pretty damn fast, for no apparent reason. I was shooting at teddy bears, butterflies, robots, and bubbles. At the end of some stages were even strangers enemies, with such bosses as a huge moth with a baby’s head, or a giant beating heart that shot balls at me.

All characters in the game shoot their lasers…or flaming cards (I seriously don’t know what they shoot) at different paces and directions, thus, creating an illusion of variety in Mobile Light Force 2. You could also play some two player co-op if you wanted to, creating more variety. Sadly, the game may still get repetitive since there are not that many levels at all, and all you’re going to be doing for the entire game is holding down your shoot button until you reach the next level. Of course, like most all shooters, you have a special attack you may use to quickly rid of most all of your foes on screen.

Mobile Light Force 2 is probably in my top ten most ridiculous games of all time list. I did have fun while playing the game since I’m a big fan of sidescrolling shooters, but I really had no idea what I was doing or why I was doing it. The game can get repetitive very fast, but the overall ridiculousness of the game made up for it with me. No storyline, poorly dubbed corny insults by enemies, odd characters, mindless shooting, and totally unrelated boxart, all in one game. If you have nothing to play at home, and you’re looking for some very, VERY cheap fun, I suggest finding this title at your local GameStop and purchasing it for less than $7.99.

What critics said:
GameSpot - 6.8
Official PlayStation Magazine - 3.5/5
Game Are Fun - 4.5/10
Thunder Bolt Games - 4/10

GameRankings - 56%

Categories: Garbage Collector, PlayStation 2, Shooter, Sony, WTF?, Weird