Nov 21
Hitman movie sucks…very, very hard
As if we didn’t already see this coming…Hitman has gotten the terrible score of 11% on Rotten Tomatoes and a 34% on MetaCritic. HORRIBLE reviews for the Xavier Gens directed movie, who is getting some very hurtful words spat at him. One critic even went as far as to comparing the movie to a Uwe Boll movie. Here are my favorite quotes from the critics of the film:
“Despite its title, in every crucial respect the picture shoots nothing but blanks…it’s Uwe Boll bad.” - Frank Swietek, One Guy’s Opinion
“Hitman has no more imagination than its title, which just as easily could have been The Bourne Idiocy or Mission: Possible and Boring.” - Matt Pais, Metromix.com
“If someone ran this guy through a scanner, the readout would say: ‘Mark down and stock in straight-to-video aisle.’” - Kyle Smith, New York Post
“Plays like a music video without the music, a spectacle of shiny weapons, spurting blood, and Jesus Christ poses that would have benefited from more overlaid songs and less blabber.” - Nick Schager, Slant Magazine
Eek. This is one shitty movie. The Hitman movie seems to be helping the stereotype of “all video game movies suck.” Many of the critics who bashed the film stated that the film was full of unintentional laughs and over the top blood. This can only mean one thing…I’m going to heavily enjoy this movie when I do get a chance to see it. Massive failure to fans of the franchise and a big win for b-movie lovers such as myself.
Categories: Failure, Hate, Humor, Movies, Rape, WHY??16 Comments so far
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Anybody who didn’t see this coming hasn’t a fucking clue. Seriously, this looked so bad to begin with, and the previews just pretty much cemented the obvious.
I love how this is categorized under ‘Rape’.
I spy with my little eye…
a nipple in that pic.
A tiny, tiny nipple.
the movie was entertaining
the movie is good because i dont know how to speak english..
The movie was so bad!!! Hollywood strikes again! Cant blame Olyphant he was okay but
shame on the director etc!!!
RINS YOUR MOUTH OUT THE HITMAN MOVIE IS THE BEST MOVIW AROUND SO SHOVE A SOCK IN IT R-TARD!!!!!!!!
RINS YOUR MOUTH OUT THE HITMAN MOVIE IS THE BEST MOVIW AROUND SO SHOVE A SOCK IN IT R-TARD!!!!!!!!
I dont get it why people flame the movie. Maybe I like it because I played the Hitman games, maybe thats what it takes to get whats going on… poisoning the drink, getting searched by the guards, the way he walks, way he dresses, Diana, drama kept to minimum… whats wrong?
All you fuckers who thaught the movie sucked so bad can go blow it out your ass. You are just jealous that you cant be as badass as hitman. heres food for thaught: you make a video game, and then you make a movie about it, then you can read all the shitty ass comments meople make about your piece of shit movie. Hopefully some hitman will find you and shut you up.
get a life. who honestly writes this shit??
YOU ARENT ROPERT AND EBERT FOR GODS SAKES!!! NOONE CARES WHAT YOU THINK>
theres my 2 cents, deal with it.
I greatly enjoy playing IO Interactive’s Hitman game franchise, they’re among my favorite PC games. I’ve played the series since it was first introduced back in 2000 (I played Hitman: Codename 47 on a Pentium II PC.) So when I found out that the series was going to be made into a movie, I was thrilled. I even signed the online petition to keep Vin Diesel from playing the part of Agent 47!
Imagine my disgust when I saw the first trailer for this movie. Everything, from the casting to the story line, was utter $hi+! Hitman the movie is yet another gigantic turd by Hollywood! It was a disgrace to the Hitman video game franchise/series.
Not even a neanderthal would consider this movie any good–or even decent for that matter. I have no doubt that those out there who enjoyed this movie are single-cell organims that have not yet reach the second step in the evolutionary process. [Notice how the amoebae who defend and/or praise the movie can not even spell properly. What do they know about what a good movie is?!]
I’m glad I chose to download this movie instead of going out to watch it in the theater–this movie is $hi+!
> “YOU ARENT ROPERT AND EBERT FOR GODS SAKES!!! NOONE CARES WHAT YOU THINK”
Actually, I’m a random member of the general public who stumbled in here. I think these negative reviews of Hitman are great, because this movie sucked so much ass I wanted to hire an actual hitman after the movie to shoot me in the head.
Hitman seemed like it was pandering to a bunch of video game obsessed kids who love pretentious bullshit like people making ridiculous poses with handguns, set to classical music. Total trash.
These people are right on the ball. This movie blows.
this movie did suck, ive seen better action than what was in this movie, the basic plot, guy gets set up, guy has girl who is connected in someway and gets in the way. it was all very cliche, the action really wasn’t that great, i still don’t know how my friend liked this movie, the acting was mild but then again what can you do with a bland script
Common man…stop talking shit about this movie…some people spend alot of time and money on this,learn how to respect somebody’s work…
In my oppinion this movie is perfect…i mean you got everything…money,drugs,weapons,blood,etc…alot of action,so its good…fuck those guys from the newspaper,they all suck…if you dont like it,make a better one.
I dunno, I didn’t hate the movie. It wasn’t an example of ground-breaking modern cinema or anything but it was what it was. At least it wasn’t pretentious. It was just a guy in a suit running around killing people, I think that the fact that it was based on a video game is creating a huge conflict of interest for a lot of people. The movie was… worth seeing… for the right audience, no more, no less.
fuck you all that was fucking pimpass movie so to you that thought that it sucked go fuck your self in the middle of the highway for on train tracks