Greetings, Megatonians. I’ll be your tour guide to the absurd.

And what better way to start my tour than with the newest entry in the Scene It series, Lights, Camera, Action? In a world where board games are taking their time to die, Scene It’s neo-board-game approach is a shining, largely-packaged bastion of hope. You can play it on the tube, kids. It’s hip. It’s rock and roll. The truth is, it’s just another money-draining gimmick, complete with poor movie taste. Now with a nifty controller.

Hit the jump like a disloyal spouse for my impressions of the recently-dropped demo on Xbox Live.

Upon completion of your download, you may want to situate yourself somewhere away from lightweight objects, as this game may cause you to sabotage your TV, wiimote-style. You are first greeted with a lengthy introduction to the world of Scene It, a world where movies are made magically. Notice the green aura of editing wizardry. It is nothing short of Hogwartsian. Once the idiotic opening video finishes, you are able to hop into the game, to an extent; after all, it is a demo.

When you start the game, a nameless, pompous douche bag will talk excitedly about his silly little world. I can’t understand him over his utter pomposity, but he says something about great movies being made. This expository shit tickles me; and not in the good way. It tickles me like when you’ve been tickled beyond your tickling threshold; when tickling feels more like stabbing and your persistent laughter drains your lungs until your mind screams inside your head, blasting your temples with the absolute terror of your feeble, helpless position. Painful memories tore at my being while being berated by the jibber-jabber of Pointless Narrating Douche Bag. The first questions were finally shown on screen. I got a grip.

The first set of questions are famous stills from movies, with one thing missing. Armed with your movie knowledge, you are to pinpoint the exact thing that is missing and get points based on your expedience. I find this completely silly and battle through the three questions valiantly. I am rewarded with points. I am slightly happier than I was before.

Multiple challenges follow. At one point I watched a movie clip from King Kong. First of all, it felt a little bit low quality. Second, it was by far one of the worst parts of King Kong, a movie I absolutely despised. And third, the questions really didn’t have anything to do with the movie clip. This part left me angry, despite my points. I don’t need to see King Kong being shot for 10 minutes, Peter Jackson. Just kill the asshole.

This kind of thing stays consistent throughout Scene It. Later you may have to name the director of a certain movie clip, or finish a quote from some famous movie. It’s all pretty textbook Scene It stuff, and I can’t say I’m entirely sure what is so cool about the Xbox 360 version. I guess the controller is kind of cool. I don’t know.

The demo is out now on your Xbox Live, among many other equally unappealing demos. Xbox Live demos really are not all they’re cracked up to be. Freediocrity. You like that? That came off the top of my head, I swear. Not even premeditated. I know, right? It’s a gift. I am funny. Wanna go back to my place? No? Are you sure? But, I have Scene It!